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The Very Old Pretenders:

The Two Jacobite Soldiers

Until a few months ago they were hiding in a cave in Perthshire where they’ve been since 1745. Remarkably they haven’t aged a day, mainly due to the miraculous properties of the Glen Isle Spring water they have been drinking since the 18th century.

They are a bit grumpy but that’s not really very surprising given all those years cooped up in a cave. Grievances have grown in that time, mostly small, petty ones. For a start, there’s the argument over whose bonnet it is. It’s been going on for centuries and it is still no nearer to resolution. It’s an argument that runs the length and breadth of the series and reappears at the most critical of times. They may have outlived generations, survived wars and famine but still the question remains – is it Rab’s hat or Macdonald’s?

Rab is the clan bard. His job was traditionally to record the deeds of others but after hundreds of years of that role he is starting to tire of it. He’d like a change really – a swap with Macdonald would be good. A bit of time as the leader, the chance to act not write, to participate in life rather than stand round the edges taking notes. But he is too nervous and timid to demand it.

And Macdonald would be unlikely to agree anyway. He is so dominating, uber confident and utterly blind to anyone else’s needs. He thinks only of himself and his own importance - which is probably why he is the clan chieftain.

Together they might be a grumbling, tetchy pair of schoolboys but try and attack either of them and they will instantly spring to the other’s defence. Proud, patriotic Scots, they stand together as one.

Except when it comes to the bonnet question……

 

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